So I went to see a different GP on Monday about getting a prescription for anxiety meds. It wasn’t a process that I found easy with going to see someone new, didn’t know my history and was trying to fit me into that 8 – 10 minute appointment slot that GPs get for seeing patients.
Within that time going on antidepressants got mentioned which is something that I have stayed away from for quite a while now so I came away from it with a prescription for propranolol, a beta blocker.
Now the logical part of my brain says that mental illness is exactly the same as physical so needing to take anxiety meds is the same as needing to take painkillers. Yes you may know the reason why you have pain but it doesn’t mean that you can get it to go away without the help of meds.
However the feeling part of my brain isn’t quite up to speed with the logical part and found the thought of taking meds very difficult. Wanting to do it without but not feeling like can so stick between a rock and a hard place. Feeling like if I take them and they help then it isn’t me that is getting myself to a better place.
Had a good discussion with my psychologist on Tuesday about meds and more specifically anti-depressants. She was very much enforcing the message that mental illness is the same as physical so can be doing everything correctly without meds but sometimes that isn’t enough. There is nothing wrong with needing medication to help get me through this period of time.
From a psychology point of view I am doing nothing wrong or much more that I can do from the aspect but am overwhelmed with everything because there is a lot going on. Also that there isn’t a factor that I can remove from the equation at the moment. That maybe it is about trying to do it without medication and seeing at that it isn’t enough that I do need more.
Maybe this is the time for anti-depressants for that extra help and to get me through this time. Doesn’t mean that I will be on them forever or that it still isn’t me doing the hard work to get through this.
I have recognised the dip in my mental health and I want to take the steps to improve it again so I have to allow myself to accept that at this point that might need to include medication.
Have an appointment this morning to go back to the doctors and look at getting prescribed an anti-depressant. The logical part of my brain is totally on board and though I know that the emotional side might not be straight away at least I am aware of that.