When it comes to grief there is a lot of talk about how much it hurts, the sadness, the pain and the loss. Which trust me is very much true but what I find isn’t talked about much is the times when you don’t really feel anything.
I wasn’t sure whether to blog about this and it is one of the reasons why I didn’t blog yesterday though I had planned to.
Yesterday would have been my dad’s 64th birthday if he was still alive. The first birthday of his to go through since his death. So unsurprising I was expecting it to be a hard day and there had been days before it where the thought of it was incredibly hard.
However yesterday I did’t feel that, there wasn’t really any emotion around it which was weird. In a way maybe harder than finding it difficult as that is what I had expected and suppose prepared myself for.
The big thing is though is that it is okay not feel anything sometimes. It isn’t like I don’t feel at all, not like I don’t miss him and all the other emotions going on. Everyone is different and just because for a lot of people yesterday would have been a hard day for a lot of people doesn’t mean that it has to be for me.
There is no right or wrong way to do grief or right or wrong way to feel there is just what it is and how you are. So some days will be easy and others incredibly hard. Things that you thought would be hard aren’t and then out of the blue you will be hit like a ton of bricks with the grief.
It is okay not to be okay and it is okay to be okay.