There will be a theme to the next few blogs that I do as the next few days there is a lot going on in terms of memories from a year a go in these few days plus also new factors. Will become clearer as I blog through the days.
Hear a lot that you can’t control events but how you react to them and then with memories these are events, thoughts, feelings etc that have already happened. There is defo no control over them any more as it is all the past but while the past has been you still have to live with it and choose how you react to what has happened.
Memories can be just as intrusive as thoughts and while it isn’t about pushing them away as that doesn’t help it is also about not getting wrapped up in them and allowing them to be there and then to go away again. This is one of the things that I was talking to my psychologist about today.
It does come down to not focusing on the past or the future but trying to be in the moment especially when remembering a darker memory. A lot of my memories from this time last year aren’t particularly happy at all but the big thing from this that I take is I am here to remember the dark memories. Everything that I went through makes a memory but it also shows that what ever is going on now that is hard and difficult and painful will also become a memory and therefore be in the past.
I would love not to have the bad memories, wouldn’t everyone and I would also love for the present not to be creating some memories which will be hard to have in another year to come. However that isn’t life and never will be.
So need to find a way to be okay when have the memories of the past coming back which comes down allowing them to be there but not to stay there. To remember and then come back to the present. To see how far I have come from the darker times.
A year ago today is when my headspace drastically started to take a turn for the worse and will go into more in my next blog but yeah of course it isn’t easy to have those memories and I would love not to have them at all or not to remember. But that is not the case and will never be the case for a lot of times.
There are times when I hate,hate, hate having the memories in my head but know it is about allowing them to be there and pass. That is the big thing to work on , not engaging with them and reliving the moments in my head.
It is also about making new memories and to do that it is about being in the moment. Today’s walk out at Mugdock was great, absolutely love the colours at this time of the year and especially when the sun is out. A perfect cold clear October day.
I don’t know if this blog has made much sense but hopefully it will do after I have done my next few. If nothing else I hope you enjoy the photos!