I haven’t really spoken that much about my transition on here apart when I came out as Rob. So this blog is a little update for you.
My dad was never going to know and that was something that I was absolutely fine with. I didn’t need him to know and the last few months didn’t need to be about that so I had no problems with that decision.
I did however need to decide how and when to tell my mum. The how was going to be email, everything has been that and for this that was always going to be the method but the question was when. When is the time to tell someone this especially with what was going on with my dad at the same time.
Leave it till after my dad had died but then when after that massive event do you tell someone another massive piece of information? It wasn’t a question that was easy to answer.
Towards the beginning of May I was like right I need to do this, I am ready to move forwards with aspects of this and part of that involves telling her. My dad then was getting worse quicker and then were about to head back up north which really was the beginning of the end. I then changed my mind and was like I can’t do it now. However after a few days I came to the conclusion for my own mental health I had to just do it and for that to be the moment.
So I sent a fairly lengthy email explaining everything and sent it. A very nerve racking experience and was very much like I really hope I have done the right thing here, hope this is all worth it etc etc. I got a text back saying the email was read, my dad was never to know and we would talk about it afterwards. Okay so there it was out there and no going back!
It wasn’t talked about and then everything started happening with my dad. At the funeral I probably couldn’t have looked more like Rob rather than Fiona but Fiona was who I had to be. Difficult but just another factor of difficulty on top of everything going on around that time.
Talking about it was something that would have to happen at some point as it felt more and more like the elephant in the room however I was leaving it up to my mum to bring up. Everything has happened very fast for me with this but still there has been the time to get used to it so I know part of it was giving her time to process it and then decide what to do.
About a couple of weeks after my dad died she brought up the subject because we were talking about holidays and passports etc. She is accepting and happy with it which is great. Will take her time to start calling me Rob, partly because we have a couple of family events coming up and I haven’t told extended family yet and also because obviously I have been Fiona to her for all my life. But it is a start and a positive start. It now means that people who do call me Rob e.g Kat and friends can do so around her and when we meet anyone I can say I am Rob to them. Still a long way to go but a massive start.
Towards the end of May I sent the documents away to legally change my name, wish I had done it sooner with the time it is taking but hindsight is always going to be great. I am hoping that at the end of this month I will have that back and can start changing the major stuff – GDC, passport etc.
Tomorrow I start my new job and I am going in as Rob. They have never had anyone going through this transition before and don’t have any real policies for it so are very much taking the lead from me which is great. They couldn’t be more helpful with it I just wish the legal stuff had come through so I wasn’t having to be both still however I will get there. The journey is going to be about steps forwards and steps backwards. Male changing rooms and toilets which is great.
Starting to change my name on accounts etc that I can like Tescos. Amazing to see that come through the post and to see my name on it.
Every little helps!