So yesterday was a week on from last Friday and that being the worst that I have ever felt. My brain makes a lot of associations with everything and remembers some aspects in a lot of detail so I was expecting some moments to be harder which they were but overall it was a pretty good day and a world apart from the week before.
There was going to be no way that I wasn’t going to be reminded of the week before so rather than about trying to block that out it was more acknowledging those thoughts and feelings but then getting on with the day. I didn’t want the day to be about what had happened a week ago but be a day on its on right and enjoy it for that.
We decided to go for a walk and there was a few triggers with that such as filling up my water bottle and also my car had the same amount of fuel in it as I did last week however once driving it settled back down. As I said I wasn’t expecting the day to be easy and that some moments would be harder but about going through the hard moments to make the day better. The associations are only there because my mind makes them there and not for the actions, objects themselves so filling up my bottle of water is literally just filling up a bottle of water.
Had great fun outside in the sunshine with Kat and Maia, was really about enjoying the moment and the day for what it was. That is was what I tried to do and for most of the day that is what I managed which is really all I can ask of myself. I am not expecting this journey to be easy as much as that would be amazing for it to be and there is going to be moments in days that are harder and then whole days that are just hard.
That day is always going to be a part of my past now as is a lot of other days that it would be great to forget or would love for them not to have existed at all however that isn’t how life works. So it is about making them just be a part of my past and time slowly lessen the impact that they have on my current and future life!